'I and these other brave chaps are about to escape from Colditz...'

'Oh, my God, another fruitcake...' So begins the hilarious love story between Diana, a grim realist who protects herself from life's disappointments with a biting wit, and Tom, a mild mannered fantasist who lives much of his life as Scott of the Antarctic, Sir Edmund Hillary or a variety of movie stars. Together they are living out their twilight years at Bayview Retirement Home, or as Diana puts it: on the hard shoulder of life waiting for the last tow truck.' Determined not to slip into old age gracefully, their antics wreak havoc at Bayview as they conduct a guerilla war with the postman or speed to Bournemouth in a Porsche not theirs. Other characters include the director - 'that idiot Bains' who is hotly pursued by Jane the housekeeper; DIY-shelf expert Geoffrey and his pill-popping, Vodka-swigging wife Marion; and Basil, the Bayview Casanova, who believes that behind any Zimmer frame lurks a hot babe. Novelisation of the popular BBC series.